Ever Loving Read online

  He sensed, from the strained note in her voice that she didn’t feel right about that particular situation. She seemed like a person that had a hard time accepting help.

  “So how are the boys?” he asked. “What did the doctor say?”

  She took a breath then pushed her hand through her short hair in a nervous gesture. “Josh is good,” she said, turning to the older boy standing beside her. She stroked his arm, her smile tentative as she looked down at him. The boy’s dark hair was pasted down on one side and while his face was clean, his hands were still streaked with black, as were his clothes. Mia fingered Josh’s hair away from his face in a vain attempt to neaten it, her fingers trembling. “You’re going to need a bath when we get home, buddy...” Mia’s sentence trailed off and Nate realized she no longer had a home to go back to.

  Obviously she had as well.

  “How is Nico?” Nate asked.

  Mia gave him a curious look, as if wondering about his concern. “Dr. Brouwer is checking a few more things out. How was he when you took him out of the building?”

  “Scared. Panicky. But I don’t think anything was broken or burned.”

  Mia pressed her lips together as she took a slow, trembling breath. “I can’t begin to thank you for...for what you did. You saved my son’s life.”

  She gave him a wavery smile and Nate had to resist the urge to slip his arm around her shoulder and support her. But he caught himself in time.

  He had nothing to give a woman like her. She needed someone stable, strong. Someone who could be a father to her kids.

  Four kids, in fact.

  Instead, he turned to Josh, feeling a rush of empathy. Hospitals could be intimidating and scary places. He knew all too well.

  Nate crouched down, balancing on the balls of his feet, his hands dangling between his knees. “Hey. How are you feeling?”

  Josh gave him a trembling smile that echoed his mother’s. Trying to be brave. “I was scared in the fire,” the little boy said. “And then I saw Mr. Deptuck and he got me and Angie out.” His lower lip wobbled and Nate guessed he would have a few bad dreams the next while.

  Nate put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly. “You’ll be just fine, champ. You did really good.”

  He straightened and caught Mia’s gaze, her eyes holding a stark look, a direct contrast to the forced smile that held her mouth captive.

  She was trying so hard to be brave, he thought. Brave for her son.

  “And Jeff?” he asked. “How is he?”

  “I’m not sure.” She shot him a frown. “Are you sure you shouldn’t see the doctor, as well?”

  The concern in her voice created a flicker of warmth, but he waved off her suggestion. “I’m fine. Throat’s sore, but I’m okay.”

  She looked at him like she didn’t believe him and for a moment, he found he couldn’t look away. The awareness he felt the first time he saw her returned and he swatted it away.

  Stop this, he warned himself. Don’t do this.

  Then he heard the sound of a baby’s whimper and he spun around. Denny and Evangeline returned, each carrying one of the girls. Both babies rubbed their eyes, their cheeks flaming pink.

  “Oh, girlies,” Mia said, reaching out for one of them. “You are exhausted.”

  Evangeline released the one baby to her and Mia held her close, tucking her little girl’s head against her neck and rocking her. Nate was surprised at her strength. She had been through a lot and was still giving her babies comfort.

  A loving mother.

  “So we need to figure out what to do with you and the kids,” Evangeline said, her voice taking on a brisk, no-nonsense tone. “Denny and I think you should come back to the ranch with us.”

  “I can leave if you need the space,” Nate said.

  “No. Your horse is in no shape to travel,” Denny replied. “We got it figured. Evangeline can’t go back to her apartment above the store until things are cleaned up so Mia, Evangeline and the kids can move into the house with Jodie. Me and you get the trailer,” he said to Nate.

  Nate wanted to protest at the arrangements, at inconveniencing so many people, but knew he wasn’t in any position to. His horses needed to recuperate and he needed to be close to them. The foals the mares carried were part of his stake for a new venture he hoped to set up someday. When he was ready to settle.

  “So, Mia, it’s decided,” Denny said with what sounded to Nate like a forced heartiness.

  “I don’t know,” Mia said, glancing over her shoulder to the examining rooms. “I don’t want to put you out. I could stay with my mother and father.”

  Seemed like she didn’t want to stay on the ranch any more than he did, Nate thought.

  “Your parents live in a two bedroom apartment in Medicine Hat,” Evangeline said. “You can’t stay there too long with four kids.”

  Mia sighed and closed her eyes as if she still wasn’t sure what to do.

  “Just come for the next couple of nights,” Evangeline said, slipping her arm around her friend’s shoulders. “Don’t think too far ahead.”

  Which made Nate wonder about her flower shop. When would she be able to go back to it? Go back to work?

  But Mia nodded and released a sigh. Denny rocked the other baby watching both of them with a fatherly look.

  Nate stood on the edge of the group feeling like the outsider he was.

  Then the curtain dividing the waiting area from the emergency department swished aside and the doctor stood in the entrance, motioning for Mia to come.

  And he wasn’t smiling.

  Chapter 3

  “Over all he’s doing well, though?” Mia rubbed her index finger over her chin in a nervous gesture. Nico lay on the hospital bed, looking small and helpless, his gaze fixed on the ceiling. His brown hair was tangled and messy and his eyes red and bloodshot from the smoke.

  “Physically, he’s fine. For that we can be thankful,” Dr. Brouwer was saying.

  “I’m hearing something else,” Mia said, reaching out to touch her son, stroke her hand over his singed hair, trying not to gag at the smell.

  “We have some...concerns,” was all Dr. Brouwer would say. He turned to Nico and smiled down at him. “Nico, you can see your mother is here. Can you say hi?”

  He glanced at her but just blinked, saying nothing.

  “Hey, honey, how are you doing?” Mia asked, stroking his head, soothing herself as much as him.

  No reply.

  “Do you want to go home now?”

  Nico just stared at her, still silent.

  “We tried to get Josh to make him speak, but he won’t say anything,” Dr. Brouwer said.

  “Honey, it’s okay now, you know,” Mia said, fighting down a torrent of concern and tears. She was feeling too vulnerable right now. She was all on her own and couldn’t give in. “You’re okay.”

  But still nothing from her son.

  “Do you remember what happened?” she asked.

  Nico turned away from her then.

  “Shannon, do you mind watching Nico for a moment?” Dr. Brouwer said to the attending nurse, who was also his wife.

  Shannon nodded, then gave Mia a comforting pat on her shoulder. “I’ll be here with him. It will be fine.”

  As Mia followed Dr. Brouwer out of the cubicle she shot another quick look at her son, but Nico kept looking up as if trying to find something on the ceiling.

  As Ben Brouwer closed the door of an empty examining room behind them, he gave her a tentative smile that made her even more wary.

  “I need to ask a few questions. Has Nico had difficulty speaking before?”

  Mia wrapped her arms around herself, wondering where Dr. Brouwer was going. “No. In fact, we’ve always told him to stop talking. He was such a chatterbox. Why isn’t he talking now?”

  “I’m sure what he’s dealing with could be very temporary but I would keep observing him once he’s released.”

  “You look concerned, though. Should I be?” M
ia fought down another wave of worry.

  Dr. Brouwer stroked his chin a moment, as if considering what to say next.

  “We’ve done all we can for Nico,” he said. “The fact that he’s not talking is not connected to anything physical. There is a term for this if it continues. It’s called Selective Mutism. It might not be what he’s dealing with, but I do want you to keep an eye on his speech.”

  “So will it go away?”

  “I’m sure it will. Especially if, as you say, he was talking so much before.” He sounded so confident that some of Mia’s concerns were allayed.

  “So this Selective Mutism, how long does it last?”

  “I don’t know. The term also applies to shy children, children who will speak at home, but not in public, or, what might be happening in Nico’s case, children who won’t speak after a stressful trauma. A counselor can properly diagnose this.”

  “So he might not talk again?”

  “The mutism is generally temporary, but because it’s psychological rather than physical we have no way of knowing how long it will last.”

  “So why is Josh okay? He went through the same thing.”

  “Each child is different. Stress manifests differently in them. It might be Nico’s way of controlling a world that, a few moments ago, fell apart for him in a dramatic and traumatic way. I would highly recommend seeing a counselor. I can set up an appointment with a Dr. Schuler in Calgary if you want.”

  Mia nodded, pushing down her concern at having to drive so far away. But this was her son and she would do anything for him. “Please. I want Nico to get help as soon as possible. And what do I do for him until then?”

  “Give him peace and quiet. Return as much as possible to some type of routine. And don’t pressure him to speak.”

  Peace and quiet. Mia could do with some peace herself, she thought, rubbing her chin again.

  “Do you and your children have a place to stay?” Dr. Brouwer continued, his deep voice soothing. A good doctor’s voice, Mia thought. “I understand from the paramedics that your apartment is unlivable.”

  She and her children had no place to return to. They had nothing but what they wore.

  The thought almost made her cry. Homeless refugees.

  “Evangeline and Denny have offered us a place on the ranch,” she managed to say.

  But she wasn’t sure she wanted to stay there. So close to a man who created emotions a mother of four children had no right to feel. Emotions she didn’t dare let in her life again.

  “I suggest you take the offer. Moving Nico away from town and away from the physical reminder of what he has just been through might be a good solution.”

  Mia massaged her forehead, the headache that had hovered at the back of her eyes all day now increasing. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed and retreat from thinking and planning.

  Only her bed was probably a charred hulk.

  Please, Lord, help me not to cry. Help me to focus on Nico. Please be with my little boy. Help me to get through all of this.

  “I don’t have a choice,” she said quietly, her voice trembling in spite of her prayer. She waited a moment to compose herself then looked up at Dr. Brouwer. “Thanks so much for your time and your care. How is Jeff Deptuck?”

  “He’s okay. Some smoke inhalation but he’ll be fine. Angie is with him now.”

  In spite of the circumstances Mia had to smile. Jeff had had a crush on Angie from the moment he met her. Every book club meeting he would alternately tease or flirt with her and for the most part, she seemed oblivious.

  Guess it took rescuing her from a burning building to finally get her to notice him.

  Just then another one of the ER nurses came to the doorway asking for him, and Dr. Brouwer pushed away from the examining room table. “I’ll set up an appointment for you to bring Nico and Josh to the office next week for a follow-up. Hopefully Nico will be back to his usual, chatty four-year-old self by then.”

  “I hope so,” Mia replied. “Thanks again for all your help.”

  He laid a light hand on her shoulder. “You take care of yourself, as well, okay?”

  Her only reply was a quick nod and then she followed him out of the room and back to the cubicle where Nico now sat, buttoning up his shirt. He looked up at her, then back down, his face still showing no expression.

  “He told me he wanted to do it himself,” Shannon said, giving Mia a quick smile.

  “He talked to you?” Her heart leapt in her chest.

  Shannon looked over at Nico, her expression holding a tinge of sadness. “He got his point across.”

  Mia’s heart folded in on itself and she walked over to her boy, who looked so small on the large bed, and gave him a tight hug. “I love you, Nico,” she murmured, resting her chin on his head. He still smelled like smoke. She could hardly wait to give him a bath.

  And dress him in what clothes?

  The question jumped at her. She would have to stop in town and buy some clothes for him, herself and the twins.

  He leaned into her for the tiniest of moments, then pulled away, his fingers working at the stubborn buttons. Mia had to ball her hands into fists, so strong was the urge to help him.

  When he was done she helped him off the bed. He clung to her hand and she squeezed tightly, trying to convey through her fingers as well as her words that she was there for him.

  Then together, they walked down the hall toward the waiting room. The first person she saw was Nate, who got to his feet. He was still here, was the first thought that sang through her.

  You shouldn’t even be allowing him the tiniest space in your mind, was the one that followed on its heels.

  “How is he?” Nate asked, holding her gaze for a heartbeat longer than he had to.

  “The doctor said he’d be okay. We just need to come in next week for a follow-up, right, Nico?” She didn’t know if she should tell him anything more than that.

  But Nico didn’t acknowledge either by action or by word that he had heard what she said.

  Then to her shock, he pulled free from her and ran directly to Nate and clung to him, burying his head against Nate’s arm.

  Nate looked from Nico to Mia and back to the little boy again, as if unsure of what to do.

  “Nico, honey.” Mia tried to lift the little boy into her arms, but Nico pushed her away. His shoulders shook, like he was crying. But he didn’t make a sound.

  Nico’s hands scrabbled at Nate and finally Nate shifted himself around and hauled the little boy onto his lap. He patted him on the shoulder but Mia noticed that he was genuinely uncomfortable.

  “It’s okay,” he muttered to the little boy, looking from him to Mia. “It will be okay.”

  Finally, after a long, uneasy moment, Nico’s shoulders stopped shaking and he lifted his head. He looked directly into Nate’s eyes, as if trying to find something there.

  Mia laid her hand on Nico’s shoulder but he still ignored her.

  “Hey, buddy, you should go to your mom,” Nate said with an awkward laugh.

  Nico stared at him a moment longer, and this time he didn’t resist when Mia took his hand and drew him away. But then Nico tugged his hand free, walked over to Josh sleeping on the couch and dropped beside him. He drew his legs up to his chest then laid his head down. Retreating.

  “I don’t know what that was about,” Nate said, slowly getting to his feet. “I’m sorry.”

  Mia waved off his objections. “Nothing to be sorry about. You were the one that rescued him, he probably sees you as a savior.” She was about to say more when Denny and Evangeline returned, each holding one of the twins, both of whom were fussing.

  And as Mia looked at her children, she felt a clutch of despair.

  What was she supposed to do now? How was she supposed to take care of her children?

  A sob clawed up her throat and she swallowed and swallowed, trying to fight it down. She couldn’t break down. She had to stay strong. There was no one else for her children bu
t her.

  She dropped her face into her free hand, her fingertips pressing against her cheeks as if to restrain the fear and sorrow.

  To her surprise she felt a large, warm hand rest lightly on her shoulder. Give it a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay,” Nate muttered. “It will be okay.”

  She wanted desperately to believe him but right now life overwhelmed her. A whimper crept past her tightly clenched lips.

  No. Not now. Not in front of this man.

  She stopped herself, took in a long, slow breath.

  But no sooner had she released it then the overwhelming feelings of grief scraped away at her again.

  A sob trembled through her, then another. Then Nate’s arms were around her.

  She fought his embrace but he held firm, his arms strong and unyielding. Another sob broke free, then another. Then, all she could do was lean into him, let her tears flow and cling to him as the storm of sorrow and fear washed over her.

  The whole time she cried she knew she should pull away.

  But for this moment, for this time, it felt good to be held and supported. To be comforted.

  “Sorry I’m late,” Nate said to his horse, Tango, as he forked hay into the pen. “Can’t believe I slept in that long.”

  He thought Denny would have woken him up when he headed out to drive his gravel truck this morning, but his brother seemed to think Nate needed the rest.

  They had moved into the trailer last night after coming back from town. Thankfully Nate had all his clothes packed in his old faithful duffel bag so it took little to pack up and move into the trailer.

  Evangeline had taken Mia and her children to the ranch and settled them in the main house.

  The roan stud stood in one corner, barely looking up when Nate approached.

  “Hey, guy, how are you doing?” Nate asked as he opened the gate of the pen and stepped inside. He walked over to his horse, wincing at the sight of the cuts on the horse’s face. “How’s the leg?” he asked, gently running his hands down Tango’s foreleg. Still warm, and still swollen. It would be a few days before Tango could put any weight on that leg. And probably even longer before he would be competing.