The Cowboy's Christmas Baby Page 5

She opened the door and Jodie hurried toward her, arms wide.

  “Hey, sis,” Erin managed as Jodie grabbed her in a careful hug.

  Jodie held her close, Caitlin snuggled between them as tears spilled.

  “Oh, honey,” Jodie murmured, rocking her back and forth. “It’s been a long road for you, I think.”

  Erin sniffed, annoyed at how easily she cried in front of her sister, yet thankful for someone whom she felt comfortable enough around to do exactly that.

  Jodie pulled back and smoothed Erin’s tears away with the balls of her thumbs, her expression sympathetic. “You’re home, you know.”

  “I know. I think that’s why I’m feeling so weepy.”

  “And you just had a baby.”

  “That, too,” Erin said with a tremulous laugh.

  “So, you take these and I’ll take her,” Jodie said, handing Erin the flowers while she carefully removed Caitlin from Erin’s arms, cradling her as they walked into the house.

  Jodie sat down on the couch and bent over her niece, inhaling slowly. “Oh, my goodness. She smells so sweet.” She rubbed her nose over Caitlin’s tiny one. “And you are such an amazing gift. You are, you know,” she cooed to Caitlin. “You are a perfect little gift to our family. We’re so blessed to have you.”

  Erin felt the bonds of guilt and shame that had held her soul loosen at Jodie’s simple, accepting words.

  “By the way, Lauren and Aunt Laura both say hi, hence the flowers,” Jodie said indicating the bouquet Erin was cutting the ends off of. “They both wanted to come, but they both have to work whereas self-employed me can take time off and have you and Caitlin all to myself,” she said, her head tilting slightly as she heard the sound of hammering. “So I noticed Dean’s here already?”

  “Yeah. He came this morning,” Erin said, removing the fake flowers Jodie had brought yesterday from the metal watering can and filling it with water. “And now I’ve got this apology cake cooling on the counter that I don’t know what to do with.”

  “Apology cake? Never heard of that recipe,” Jodie said, frowning her puzzlement.

  “Well, it’s about a cup of my-big-mouth, mixed in with three tablespoons of wounded pride and a soupçon of McCauley.”

  “Oooooh, that cake,” Jodie said with a knowing nod of her head. “I should have baked a few of those in my life. That and Humble Pie.” Then she shot her a questioning glance. “So I’m guessing the cake is for Dean?”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  “What did you say to him?”

  Erin set the flowers in the pot and put it back on the table, avoiding her sister’s gaze. “I kind of made it sound like he wasn’t capable of fixing my house. At least I think he took it that way.”

  “Oh, dear.”

  “It wasn’t that I thought he couldn’t do it,” she said, fiddling with the flowers, arranging them just so. “It’s just, well, I’m not comfortable being around him and my mouth got away on me.”

  “Honey, that’s my line, not yours.”

  “I know. I was feeling weird.”

  Weird and ashamed. She had always been the good girl. The one who turned down Dean’s many requests for dates because he was too rough and rowdy for her. Now she was the one who wasn’t “suitable.” She was the one who had messed up her life.

  “Anyhow, I felt bad so I thought I would bake him a cake,” Erin continued.

  “I should go get him so we can eat it. He’s probably not had lunch yet.” She shot her sister a questioning glance as she stood. “If that’s okay with you?”

  “I guess.” Dean would be working here so she figured she might as well try to smooth things over between them as soon as possible.

  Jodie walked to the door still carrying her baby.

  “I’ll take Caitlin, though,” Erin said, holding out her arms for her daughter.

  “I’ll be careful.”

  Erin held Jodie’s puzzled gaze for a beat, surprised at the flutter of panic that seeing Jodie walk away with her daughter created in her. “I know. It’s just... I haven’t had anyone else taking care of her since she was born. Besides, she needs her diaper changed.”

  Jodie seemed to understand and handed Caitlin over to Erin, but as she did she held Erin’s eyes. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” she said, disappointed at how breathless she sounded, glancing down at Caitlin. “I’m just fine.”

  “Okay, I’ll be inside shortly.”

  Then Jodie disappeared around the side of the house.

  Erin took a steadying breath, her heart finally slowing down. What was wrong with her? Why the panic attack? This was her sister, not some random stranger.

  Hormones. That’s what she was blaming it on, she reasoned, cuddling Caitlin closer as she walked toward her bedroom.

  A few moments later she had Caitlin’s diaper changed and her baby lay swaddled up in a bouncy chair Lauren had rustled up from some of the cousins. Caitlin stared, cross-eyed, at the little stuffed animals hanging from the bar straddling the chair, her mouth a perfect little O.

  As Erin held her daughter’s tiny fingers, wrapped tightly around her own, her heart pinched.

  Would it ever get old? she thought, marveling at the delicacy of her fingernails, the delicate swath of her thick eyelashes.

  “You didn’t get those from me,” she murmured, brushing her finger over her baby’s cheek. Unbidden thoughts of Caitlin’s father entered her mind and behind that came the ever-present shame and guilt. “I didn’t know,” she whispered to her baby. “I just didn’t know.”

  * * *

  “I’m too busy to stop,” Dean grumbled, yanking on a piece of the siding and tossing it to the side to join the pile already there.

  “You have to eat lunch some time,” Jodie said, looking up at him perched up on the ladder, her hands planted on her hips.

  Dean ignored both her and the grumbling of his stomach at the thought of lunch. He was hungry, but he wasn’t about to get down the ladder in front of Jodie. He inserted his claw hammer under the next nail.

  “I packed a lunch” was all he said. “I’ll eat it when it works.”

  “Then come and eat it with us,” she said, slipping a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. “Erin made a cake. She called it an apology cake. Not sure what that meant, but I think she feels bad about something she did or said to you.”

  Dean couldn’t help the flush warming his neck. Erin’s doubts about his ability had fueled most of the work he’d done this morning. Had made him push himself harder than he probably should have.

  But the fact that she felt sorry tweaked his ego just enough. That and the fact that his leg was on fire and he really could use a break.

  “Give me about five minutes and I’ll come inside.”

  “You got ’er,” Jodie said with a quick salute. He waited until she was around the corner of the house before he worked his awkward way to the ground, fighting his frustration at each halting step.

  His physiotherapist had warned him that it would take time and to be careful. Not that he’d spent that much time with Mike the past couple of months. Mike had called Dean a few times, but Dean had ignored the calls. Every time he went it was like he was reminded again of how useless he was and he hated asking Jan for time off work to make the appointments.

  Dean stopped at the bottom of the ladder. He massaged his aching leg, stretching it out, still debating the wisdom of going into the house. Then he heard Jodie calling him and he knew he couldn’t put it off any longer.

  With a sigh he brushed the sawdust and dirt off his shirt and pants and walked through the overgrown grass to his truck. He grabbed the thermos of coffee he’d made this morning and grimaced at the sight of the plastic grocery bag holding his lunch. A couple of peanut butter sandwiches and some homemade cookies. H
e’d had a few good-natured battles over this with his mother when he started working for Jan. She’d wanted to make his lunch, accusing him of not packing nutritious food.

  Well, she was right. But there was no way, on top of still living at home, that he was letting him mom pack his lunch, too. That was too many shades of pathetic.

  He took his time going down the uneven sidewalk on his way to the house from the truck. His legs were still shaky from the exertion of going up and down the ladder and the last thing he needed was a stumble. He’d have to call Jan tonight and ask if he could get some scaffolding instead. The siding would be more work than he thought.

  He paused just inside the door of Erin’s house, his eyes adjusting from the bright light outside.

  Erin stood with her back to him, stirring something on the stove. Soup, he guessed from the mouth-watering smell.

  “There you are. I thought you were ducking out on us,” Jodie called out, carrying some bowls to the table.

  “No. Just getting my lunch,” he said as he toed his boots off.

  Jodie gave a pointed look at the plastic bag he carried. “That’s what you’re eating?”

  “Proudly homemade,” he said, waving it aloft, grinning at her. He’d spent enough time with Jodie over the past few months that he felt at ease with her.

  Then Erin turned and her eyes grazed over him as she brought the pot to the table.

  He wished it didn’t bother him. Wished he could be as casual around her as he was around Jodie.

  He glanced around as he set his bag on the table. He couldn’t see Caitlin and figured she was sleeping.

  “So, this is nice,” Jodie said, grinning from him to Erin like they were all one happy family. “Like old times.”

  Dean wasn’t precisely sure which old times Jodie referred to, but from her overly bright smile he sensed she was trying hard to make everyone comfortable.

  “Where do you want me to sit?” Dean asked.

  “By that sad little lunch you packed and may as well save for your dog, Lucky,” Jodie returned, grabbing a bowl and filling it up. “We have real food. I brought bread from the bakery and soup from the Grill and Chill. George was right ticked when I asked him if it was fresh. Got all grumpy Gus on me. Honestly, not sure what Brooke sees in him.”

  “Are they dating now?” Erin asked, finally speaking up, but looking at Jodie as she asked about the couple who had been off and on as long as Dean knew them.

  “That’s the rumor. There have been a few George and Brooke sightings ever since the concert this spring. I have stopped holding my breath when it comes to that relationship. But then, who knows how the heart works. I never thought I would end up with Finn or Lauren with Vic.”

  While she chattered away Erin brought a plate of sandwiches to the table. They looked ten times better than the flattened and misshapen ones resting in the bag beside the bowl of soup Jodie had given him.

  “I think we can start,” Jodie said as she sat down directly across the table from Dean leaving Erin to sit either on his left or his right.

  “Shall we pray?” Jodie asked brightly, holding her hand out to Erin who took it and, in what Dean could only assume was an automatic gesture, held her other hand out to him.

  As soon as she realized what she had done, she blushed and snatched her hand back.

  “What, you don’t want to hold Dean’s hand?” Jodie teased, as if trying to eradicate the sudden awkwardness. “He doesn’t bite.”

  “Are you going to pray?” Erin asked, her voice holding a slight edge completely at odds with the girl Dean once knew.

  “Sure. Sorry.” Jodie flashed her and Dean a smile, then bowed her head. “Thank You, Lord, for this food. For the blessing of family. Be with Erin and Caitlin as they make their new home here. Thank you that they are back here with us. Bless our work this afternoon. Amen.”

  Dean murmured an automatic amen which netted him a puzzled glance from Erin.

  He knew how it looked to her. He’d always been the wild and crazy one laughing at her for going to church, mocking her faith even while part of him admired her quiet fortitude.

  Well, people changed, as Kelly had so eloquently stated the other day on Main Street. And he found himself wanting to apologize for all the times he’d teased her about being a Bible thumper.

  But not here and not now.

  “So, how are things looking on the house?” Jodie asked, as if determined to make conversation.

  “It’s going to need more work than we initially thought.” Dean blew on his soup and gave Erin an apologetic look. “So it’s going to cost more than you might have figured on.”

  “That’s okay,” she said. “This is going to be our home. I want it to be sound.”

  “The ranch will cover the costs anyhow,” Jodie assured him. “So don’t worry about that.”

  “In that case...” He flashed Jodie a grin, trying not to let the tension around the table get to him.

  “Let’s not get carried away,” she warned.

  “So, no addition with a brick fireplace and stained-glass windows?”

  “This is a house, not a church.”

  “According to my mom, God is as much present in a family gathering as a church one.”

  Dean laughed and once again he caught a puzzled look from Erin.

  Okay, so maybe he was laying it on a bit thick, chatting with Jodie like he wasn’t totally aware of Erin sitting beside him shooting him covert glances with those slate-blue eyes of hers. Acting like he and Jodie were best buddies when they’d just gotten to know each other better the past couple of months.

  “How did Caitlin sleep last night?” Jodie asked Erin, drawing her sister into the conversation.

  “Good. I think she was still tired from the drive on Monday.” Erin stirred her soup and gave Jodie a tight smile. “It was a long trip.”

  Dean heard a note of sorrow in her voice, wondering precisely what caused it.

  “You drove all the way up from San Francisco?” he asked.

  She nodded, shooting him a quick glance.

  “So what were you doing there?” As if he didn’t know exactly what had kept her occupied all these years. Because somehow in spite of Tiffany, in spite of all the girls between then and now, she always hung, like a painting, in the back of his mind. Elusive and mysterious.

  “Working as a graphic designer.”

  He wanted to ask her more and fill in the gaps between the last time he saw her and now. Wanted to know what had put those shadows under the eyes of the sweet, innocent girl who had turned him down one last time with a sad smile. A girl who’d told him he had to turn his life around.

  Well, he had. Just too late for her, he guessed.

  Chapter Five

  “Thanks for the cake. It was delicious,” Dean said, making a move to push his chair away from the table. “But I should get to work.”

  Erin wondered if she should tell him the story behind the cake. But sitting beside him at the table made her far too aware of him and apologizing would only exacerbate that. When Jodie had offered to pray and he had neither mocked nor teased her, she felt as if the earth had shifted beneath her.

  He used to laugh at her faith. Call her Thumper, as in Bible thumper. But now, it seemed, the tables had truly turned.

  “Do you need a hand?” she asked as she got up.

  His angry frown told her that the apology cake hadn’t taught her enough of a lesson.

  “Like I said, I know how to handle a hammer,” she retorted, determined to fight the self-conscious feelings he created in her. “I don’t want to just sit around while you’re working.”

  “It’s okay,” he said, seemingly placated by her response. “I’ve just got the one ladder. I’m going to call Jan to come with a scaffold tomorrow.”
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  “You shouldn’t be working so soon after having a baby, anyway,” Jodie warned Erin. “Especially after a Caesarean.”

  “It’s been almost two months,” Erin said. “I won’t be able to do any of my other work until I get the internet connection up and running. I need to do something.”

  The two months of bed rest and the exhaustion that claimed her after Caitlin’s birth had been difficult enough to endure. She wanted to stay busy. To keep thoughts of the future at bay and the fear that could clutch her at times.

  But you’re home now.

  “I’ll let you know if I need a hand,” Dean said, his tone brusque as he grabbed the bag holding his lunch.

  Erin guessed he wouldn’t, but didn’t bother challenging him. She’d find something else to keep herself busy. Something she could do inside the house.

  “Thanks again for lunch. It was good.” He held up his bag. “Good thing I made this myself. My mom might be insulted if I fed this to my dog.”

  “I just hope Lucky isn’t insulted,” Jodie retorted. “Of course he’s still a pup and thinks everything you do and everything you give him is amazing.”

  Erin was surprised at her flush of jealousy at the easy give-and-take between Jodie and Dean. At one time Jodie wasn’t so accepting of him. She and Lauren had consistently warned her against him, as if she needed reminding of his unsuitability.

  Now Jodie and Dean chatted away like brother and sister and for some reason it bothered her. She felt like she was on the outside looking in.

  But just before he left his eyes caught hers and once again she felt it. That dangerous thrum Dean could always create in her.

  Trouble was, while she’d resisted it then because he was unsuitable, she resisted it now for an entirely different reason.

  The door closed behind him and Erin felt like she could breathe again.

  “Cake was really good,” Jodie said as she helped her clean up. “But you forgot to tell Dean why you made it.”

  “It seemed redundant” was all she said.

  “It could have helped things along.” Jodie put the bowls in the sink and started filling it with water. “He’ll be working here for a few weeks. It would help if he knew you were okay with him being here.”