A Father In The Making Read online

  “Of course.” She managed another smile, but as they walked to the house, she couldn’t stop a niggle of unease at the tone in his voice, at the use of the words some guy. Not him? And when he didn’t kiss her again, that niggle slowly twisted at her heart.

  * * *

  “Good as new,” Mia said to herself as she snipped the last of the threads on Nate’s coat. Or at least as new as it was before it got ripped. He had dropped it off yesterday and only today had she a chance to fix it.

  The sleeves had a permanent kink in the elbow. The hem was ragged. But it smelled of Nate and outside. She held the coat close a moment, as if holding its owner. It had been years since she’d done something so domestic as mending clothing for a man. Al was always ripping something and she was always fixing it for him.

  Anger rose up at thoughts of Al. The old feelings of betrayal and loss. She looked down at Nate’s jacket, her anger morphing into the same uncertainty that always accompanied thoughts of Nate.

  Her children’s own biological father didn’t want them, why would Nate?

  She looked over the coat once more then noticed a hole in the one pocket. May as well fix that, too. She slipped the coat back under the pressure foot and started sewing, a feeling of housewifely satisfaction washing over her.

  The twins were playing on the floor and Nico and Josh were outside helping Nate build the birdhouses. The feeling that someone else was taking care of her responsibility was new to her. At the same time, she felt as if things were gathering together, bringing her to a place in her life she had never dared allow herself to go.

  Mia reversed the stitching to tie it off, then pulled the coat out from the machine. As she did, a piece of paper slid out of the pocket and onto the floor.

  She bent over to pick it up and saw Lacy’s name in sparkly pink pen followed by her phone number and the words, “Call me. I’m available Wednesday to Friday.”

  The unease she had felt previously returned. Though she wanted to think it might simply be a flirty young girl coming on to a good-looking guy, her mind flicked back to Sunday, a week and a half ago. Nate talking to Lacy. Taking something from her.

  She got up and set the jacket aside. She was going to wait until suppertime tonight to give him his jacket, but a sudden urgency gripped her. She needed to see him. Now.

  She ran upstairs, changed into a skirt, flicked some mascara on her eyelashes, some lipstick on her mouth and spritzed some perfume on her neck. Then she went and got the girls ready. Ten minutes later she had the girls in the stroller, Nate’s jacket hanging over it. As she walked she forced herself to think about Nate. Think about the kisses they shared.

  Think about what he had said. She had to believe that he truly cared about her. That he was willing to take on her children. If she didn’t, then everything would be for nothing.

  * * *

  “So how much do you charge for babysitting?” Denny asked Nate as he handed Josh another nail. “I’ve got to go pick up Ella in a few minutes, maybe you can watch her while I go check the cows.”

  The pounding of hammers reverberated through the cool of the garage as Nico and Josh flailed away, brows furrowed, lips pressed as they concentrated on putting the birdhouses together.

  “Heard you did a great job the other morning with the kids,” Denny continued, obviously not done with his little joke.

  “Be careful you don’t bang your thumb,” Nate said to Nico as he held the rough boards at right angles for Nico, choosing to ignore Denny’s lame humor. “We want to make sure these birdhouses are good and strong.”

  “We’re good for the money,” Denny added, giving Nate an elbow. “You’re always saying how broke you are.”

  “What is broke?” Josh asked, sitting back on his heels and wiping a bead of sweat off his forehead. He still looked flushed, but happy to be spending time with Nate and Denny and Nico after his sleep this morning.

  “Broke is what Nate doesn’t have to be,” Denny said, his oblique comment making Nate sigh. He knew Denny was referring to the estate from his late stepfather.

  “It’s not that easy, Denny, and you know it,” Nate retorted.

  “It’s also not that hard. Don’t you get tired of letting your past determine your future?”

  Nate stifled a sigh. “If I take that money, then the past will determine my future. I need to make it on my own.”

  “It’s only money. The guy is gone. Dead. Expired.”

  “What does expired mean?” Josh asked.

  “What this conversation is,” Nate said, shooting Denny a warning glance. “So, looks like you’ve got the front nailed to the sides already,” Nate said, lifting up the frame Josh had nailed together. “Now you just have to put the back on.”

  “One of the guys driving a truck for me was on the two-way this afternoon, yapping about a place up Coal Creek way. Eighty acres with a small house and training barn and corrals.”

  “I heard.”

  Denny frowned. “How?”

  “You’re not the only one with connections,” he said, handing Josh the back of the birdhouse. “Lacy Miedema told me. A week ago on Sunday. Guess it belongs to her dad and he’s thinking of selling.”

  Denny nudged him in the side. “Interested?”

  Nate brushed him off with a shrug. “It might be a place to rent.”

  “Why bother renting? Why don’t you buy it?”

  The idea wasn’t new to Nate. Ever since he kissed Mia, he’d been teetering between two emotions.

  Fear and peace.

  If he bought that place, it meant making a commitment to staying, which meant opening himself completely and wholly to Mia. Letting her take over the space in his heart he had guarded all these years.

  At the same time the idea generated an unexpected peace. The thought of a place of his own. A family of his own.

  “You don’t need to look so worried about this.” It was more Denny’s tone than his comment that bespoke a knowledge of the inner workings of Nate’s mind. “You don’t have to run out and make this decision today.”

  “I know.” Nate couldn’t stop the testy tone from creeping into his voice. Then he gave Denny an apologetic look. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. I just feel like things are coming at me so fast.”

  “Life happens that way sometimes,” Denny agreed. “Sometimes God shifts you in unexpected directions, but when you arrive, you realize this is where you should be. I wouldn’t trade with anyone and I don’t regret anything that happened to me along the way.”

  The conviction in his voice eased Nate’s own trepidation.

  “I get it,” Nate said. “I was supposed to be at Arden Charles’s ranch right now. Working with him and learning from him. Fine-tuning Tango for the competition. Instead, I’m here.”

  “But you can leave soon, now, can’t you? Tango is well enough and you can divide up your horse trailer and keep the colt and Nola separate from the rest?”

  Denny’s tone was casual, but Nate understood the deeper question. Are you still going?

  Nate chewed at his lower lip, then pushed himself to his feet, walking a ways away from the boys. Denny followed as Nate leaned against the workbench behind him.

  “Tell me what’s on your mind,” Denny said.

  Nate’s glance ticked from Denny to the boys then he eased out a sigh. “For the past five years, I’ve had a plan—a solid plan—and getting Tango to the futurity, having Nola and Bella foal, was all part of that. Then I came here. Then I met Mia....” He let the sentence trail off, not sure how to convey the confusion of feelings that circulated through his mind each time he thought of her.

  “You care about her, don’t you?”

  Nate shoved his hand through his hair, blowing out a sigh. “Scares the living daylights out of me, but I do.”

  “W
hat scares you?”

  Nate waited a moment, self-preservation and years of being on his own slowing his response.

  “I’m scared of opening my heart. To her and to the kids,” he said, his voice lowered so the boys couldn’t hear. “I’m scared of what could happen to me if she pushes me away. If she doesn’t want me.”

  “I’ve seen how she looks at you. Evangeline has said that Mia is a different person since she’s met you. In spite of what happened to her, she seems happier. More settled.”

  Denny’s words kindled a hope in his soul that he had kept banked for so many years. The hope of a person to share his life with and the hope of a family.

  “That’s what I’m struggling with. I know how important it is to support the people who depend on me. That’s why this competition is so important to me. If I can get a stake together, I might have a chance...” He let the sentence trail off, still afraid of vocalizing the half-formed thoughts that plagued him each night before he fell asleep. Thoughts about Mia and a future.

  “I feel like I need space to catch my breath. Figure out what I want. My focus has been this futurity for so long—I need to compete.”

  Silence followed that comment and Nate knew how it sounded, but he also knew the fear that had made him say it.

  “So you’re still leaving?” Denny asked.

  “I have to.”

  “Well, you gotta do what you gotta do, I guess.”

  “I gotta do what’s best for me.”

  “Of course you do.”

  Nate heard the disappointment in Denny’s voice and struggled to separate himself from it. He had always respected his brother. But he had been on his own for the past few years. He had never had to think of anyone else or work anyone into his life.

  He crouched down to pet his dog, giving himself a moment to respond to Denny’s last remark.

  Socks looked at him, but then Josh called him and he trotted over.

  “Would you come back?” Denny asked quietly, as if speaking too loudly might scare Nate off.

  Nate held that idea, letting it sink into his soul and then he smiled. “That is my new plan.”

  Denny’s shoulders lowered as if he had been holding his own tension in. “That’s good to know. So, next question. Would your winnings be enough for you to buy that place you looked at?”

  “No.”

  “I know you don’t want to hear it, but there’s a solution to this.”

  Nate shot him an angry look but Denny seemed undeterred.

  “I think you need to put Karl where he belongs,” Denny said, his voice quiet, as if he understood how difficult this was for Nate. “I think you need to put him in the past. In the ground where he is right now. This money is a gift. As long as you think taking money from Karl gives him power over you, he still wins. Even from the grave.”

  The only sound in the quiet that followed was the uneven ringing of the boys’ hammers on the nails. Nate swallowed back the immediate defense of his position, reality nipping at his heels like a pesky cow-dog.

  “I think there was a reason you ended up here,” Denny continued. “Let God use that. Let yourself accept what is happening to you. I know how scary it can be. I had the same thing with Evangeline and Ella. I had to go through my own journey and I suspect you’re partway through yours. Mia is a wonderful, loving person. She, of all people, would not give her heart and loyalty lightly.” Denny nudged him with an elbow. “Or her kisses.”

  The light note eased some of the heaviness away and Nate laughed. “We’ve had a few of those.”

  “And I know Mia. She is not the type of person to let someone easily into her life. If she has let you get close it’s because she trusts you. Which means you can trust her. And it also means you have to be careful with her.”

  “I know that, too,” Nate replied. “So I want you to make sure you keep everything we’ve said right now to yourself.”

  “Of course.” Then Denny clapped him on the shoulder, a brisk way of saying that for now, he was leaving this discussion alone. “Let’s go help the boys finish up those birdhouses. Evangeline said we needed to eat early because they’ve got book club tonight. You going?”

  “No. I want to work with Tango after supper.”

  “Perfect. That gives me an excuse to get out of the house, too. Book club always gives me the heebie-jeebies.” Denny shuddered. “You think about what I said. You pray about it. And know that I’d love to have my brother close by.”

  Nate toyed with that thought as a glimpse of a future he never thought available to him hovered at the edges of his thoughts. Family. Community.

  Mia.

  Then Josh and Nico looked up at him as they walked over. Both smiled.

  And Nate felt the warmth of their affection. And he allowed that glimpse of a future with them and Mia to become more real.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “So you’re still leaving?”

  Mia was about to enter the garage when she heard Denny asking Nate the same question she never dared ask.

  “I have to,” Nate was saying.

  Mia paused, her feet suddenly frozen in place. She couldn’t move ahead.

  “Well, you gotta do what you gotta do, I guess,” was Denny’s quiet reply.

  “I gotta do what’s best for me,” Nate said with a sense of finality.

  Why were her hands tingling like this? Why couldn’t she move her feet?

  But she had to. Had to get out of here. Had to leave.

  Thankfully, the girls were quiet as she dragged the stroller backward out of the rut, got it turned around and headed toward the house. Crazy girl, she thought, her feet beating a rhythm in time to the words pounding through her head. Crazy, romantic, foolish girl. Why did you think he would want to stay with you when he had a chance with someone like Lacy?

  She needed to keep her feet moving to prevent her mind from taking over. So instead of going to the house, she continued down the driveway toward the road, her pace picking up. Evangeline would be coming home soon; she needed to see her friend.

  But as she walked other things Nate said wound their insidious way into her head.

  “You’ll make some guy very happy someday... We need to talk...”

  She closed her eyes and shook her head as if to dislodge the words, but they clung and slowly wormed their way into her mind. When Nate said that she foolishly assumed he was talking about them.

  Now she realized he was probably finding a way to ease her out of his life.

  Had Lacy made him change his mind?

  She faltered, tears threatening. She’d been here before—on her own, left behind. She had managed then, she would manage now.

  But the thought of Nate leaving created an unyielding ache in her heart.

  Dear Lord, please help me get through this, was all she could pray. Carry me and my kids because I keep coming back to the truth that only You are faithful.

  She walked for another fifteen minutes, thankful that the girls had fallen asleep, but still having seen no sign of Evangeline. So she turned around and returned to the house. The boys were still busy in the garage when she came back. She brought the girls, one at a time, into the house and when she came back from laying them down she noticed a blinking light on the phone. Evangeline had left a message saying that she wouldn’t be home until it was time for book club. She would pick up some treats from the bakery. Could Mia feed Nate and Denny the burritos she had planned?

  Mia dropped the phone onto the cradle and dragged her hands over her face. She didn’t want to see Nate right now. But she had no choice. So with heavy feet she started frying hamburger and cutting up peppers and onions.

  While she was assembling the burritos she heard the pounding of feet, the door slamming open, Josh complaining.

 
What was going on?

  Denny burst into the house carrying both Josh and Nico. “Sorry. Gotta run,” he said, panting as he deposited the boys on the kitchen floor. “The cows are out.” And without another word he turned around and left. Mia hurried to the porch, Josh and Nico on her heels.

  Cows milled about the yard, bawling; calves scurried around, kicking up dust, then racing off as if enjoying their newfound freedom. She saw Denny skirting the herd, heading toward the corral, legs pumping.

  Through the dust of the cows’ hooves on the packed yard, she saw Nate in the corral saddling Tango with quick, brisk movements. He was all business. He looked up and for a moment she thought he was looking at her. She couldn’t help her reaction. She pulled back.

  “C’mon, boys. We better get inside,” she said, tugging on their arms.

  “But we want to watch,” Josh whined.

  “It’s too dangerous,” she insisted.

  Then she heard a sound from Nico. Her gaze shot to her son who was leaning forward, his hands stretched out to Nate. The noise he made had an urgency. As if he was afraid for Nate.

  And in spite of the joy she felt at Nico’s hesitant step to communication, a sense of foreboding loomed.

  He would be okay, she told herself. Nate knew how to take care of himself.

  It was her own heart she had to guard. Her own life she had to watch over, she thought as she pulled the boys back into the house. Then, in spite of the drama unfolding outside, she managed to get them fed and the girls bathed and got the boys watching a movie.

  Half an hour later she heard Evangeline drive up and Mia ran out to meet her. Thankfully, the bawling noise had settled down and Mia saw Denny and Nate herding the cows back through the gate to the pasture.

  Evangeline was taking boxes out of the back of the car. Mia assumed these were treats for the book club meeting.

  “Let me take that,” Mia said to Evangeline. “You take care of Ella.”

  “That’d be great,” Evangeline said, tilting the box toward her. “Anyone from book club here yet?”