Finding Home Page 12

  In twenty minutes he would be seeing his mother again.

  When she showed up on Friday his first reaction was surprise and then, when she said she wanted to stay a couple of days he wasn’t sure what to think. While he hadn’t wanted to give up on her, he hadn’t held out any hope that she would want to be involved with Brittany.

  His resentment and anger with his father was also, to a lesser extent, tied up with his mother, as well. While she had never been anything but kind to him, she had also expended so much energy trying to keep his father happy, it was as if she didn’t have much time for Jess.

  But being around his mother brought back memories of his father. Memories he had spent years trying to erase.

  Words from the pastor followed on the heels of those memories. He had been preaching on the theme of forgiveness and today he spoke of the repercussions of holding on to anger and having an unforgiving heart.

  It resonated so well with what Naomi had said, it was almost as if God was trying to tell him something.

  How could he forgive his father for what he had done? And would it make a difference?

  His father was dead. But his presence still lingered, as did the bitterness his father’s abuse had created. Could forgiving his father free Jess from the legacy his father had given him? From thinking he couldn’t be a father himself?

  A couple of young boys slid past him as he stepped into the aisle, distracting him from his tangled thoughts. Sophie Brouwer smiled a greeting to him.

  He pushed his thoughts aside. He didn’t like delving into the darkness of his past. He preferred to think of Naomi and the radiance her presence shed on his life.

  He felt a light hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Hailey standing behind him. “Hey, Jess. Good to see you here.”

  “Good to be here,” he said, returning her quick smile.

  “I heard you sold that cat-skiing operation you used to have,” Hailey said as she moved up beside him. They followed the crowd as they slowly made their way out to the foyer, the other conversations around them weaving in and out creating a low-level buzz.

  Jess nodded. “Sold it at the end of winter. Working on the ski hill takes up enough of my time.”

  “You still go mountain biking?”

  “Not as much as I’d like.”

  “What about that souped-up car you used to drive like a wild man around town? Haven’t seen that around for a while. You retire it?”

  Jess frowned, feeling as if Hailey was interrogating him. “Why do you need to know all this?”

  They had come to the foyer, where the crowd had thinned out, and she kept walking so he followed her.

  Then she stopped and turned to him. “Yesterday, I saw Naomi happier than I’ve seen her in years. Even when she was dating Billy.”

  Why did that send a warm glow through him? But he sensed this was simply an introduction to what she really wanted to talk about. So he folded his arms and waited.

  Hailey tilted her head to one side as if studying him. “I know you like to take risks. I know you like to work hard but you also like to play hard. You always did.”

  Hailey waited a moment, as if expecting a reaction, but Jess pressed back an automatic protest. He wanted to see where Hailey was going.

  “What I’m trying to say is Naomi is feeling fragile right now,” Hailey continued. “She was completely consumed with Billy and his dying and now she’s back here trying to figure out who she is. I know you guys used to date and I know that when you did, Naomi was...” Hailey lifted her hands in a gesture of surrender, as if not sure what words to use. “She was, well, for lack of a better word, incandescent. She shone. She could hardly believe that a guy as popular as you would have anything to do with her. She was crazy about you in a way I never saw with Billy. Then, I don’t know what happened, but all she would tell me is that you had a big fight and it was over between you two.”

  “That was a long time ago,” Jess protested, feeling a need to defend himself. He wasn’t the only one involved in that particular situation.

  “I know. I know.” Hailey patted the air between them in a conciliatory gesture. “I guess I’m just saying that after you two broke up, Naomi was heartbroken and devastated.” Hailey shook her head and then smacked herself on the forehead lightly with the palm of her hand. “And she would kill me if she knew I was telling you this.”

  Jess could only stare at Hailey, her words a jumble that didn’t make sense.

  Naomi? Heartbroken? Devastated? Naomi was the one who’d left him. Naomi was the one who’d gone running back to Billy when he came back to town.

  Something was missing in this story.

  “Anyway, here’s the deal,” Hailey continued, charging forward in her usual take-no-prisoners way. “I’m just telling you that you need to be careful with her. Don’t play around with her emotions. I know you’ve changed and that’s good, but I also know that in some ways, you’re still the same guy. Billy was a good, solid, Christian man. He was the right person for her and now he’s dead. I’m scared that she’s in an emotionally needy place right now. I’m just looking out for my sister’s heart.”

  Jess couldn’t stop the stab of resentment Hailey’s warning created. He certainly didn’t need the reminder that Billy was the superior man. Jess knew that better than anyone else.

  “I care about your sister,” he said finally. “She’s always been this wonderful, incredible woman. But for now, we’re taking things one step at a time.”

  He didn’t want to add that even though Naomi had someone looking out for her heart, he had no one looking out for his. Naomi had broken it once, and he was cautious, as well.

  Hailey simply nodded, seemingly satisfied with what he had said. “Okay. Then I guess we’ll wait and see how things play out.”

  She looked like she was about to say more, but then a little girl came bounding up to her, bright red shoes flashing under the layers of her flounced dress. Dan’s daughter, Natasha, Jess realized.

  “Hailey, Daddy wants you to come downstairs,” she said, catching Hailey by the hand and pulling on her. “Aunty Shannon and Uncle Ben are waiting and so is the minister.”

  Hailey’s eyes grew wide with horror. “Oh, no. I forgot about the meeting with the pastor.” She shot off a quick wave. “Thanks for listening,” she said, then stopped. “And tell Naomi that we’re not getting together at Nana’s place today.”

  Jess blinked, trying to get his bearings. Hailey’s words confused him but as he walked out of the church, her comments reverberated through his mind. He tried to push back the resentment they caused, but at the same time, he knew he had no right to be upset. He knew he would never be half the man Billy was.

  Naomi and Billy had dated for years and in all that time he knew Billy had never allowed himself to get carried away in his relationship with Naomi as Jess had. Billy was the better man and Naomi had chosen him.

  Hardly the actions of a brokenhearted girl.

  “Hey, Jess.” A woman’s voice called out again and he spun around, feeling a flash of irritation. He didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, but Allison Krepchuk was walking toward him, waving her hand.

  He forced a smile to his face as she came closer.

  “Hey, Jess. How are things going with you?” she asked, her smile broad, welcoming.

  “Good. Really good.”

  “I heard you’re building a new house. That’s exciting.”

  He nodded, wondering where this small talk was going.

  Her smile shifted from friendly to forced. “Anyhow, I heard Naomi was taking care of your sister. Is she still there?”

  “Yeah. Until Brittany has the baby, that is.”

  “Good. Okay. Would it be okay if I come up to visit her? I’m only around for another day and I won’t have time tomorrow.”

  He shrugged. “Yeah. Sure. Come on by.”

  Allison gave him a broad smile and slipped her purse over her shoulder and waited, as if she wanted to say more. But J
ess wasn’t in the mood for idle conversation, so he pulled his keys out of his pocket and poked his thumb over his shoulder. “I’m sorry, but I should get going. Want to make sure my sister is okay.”

  “Of course. I’ll see you later, then.”

  He gave her another polite smile and got into his truck, started it and drove away.

  His sister was probably fine, but he wanted to double-check. This morning his mother, in a surprising fit of motherly generosity, had offered to stay with Brittany to give Naomi some time off. Naomi had resisted, but now, as he drove back home, Jess had an idea.

  When he stepped into the house, all was quiet. He heard the faint murmur of conversation and followed it to the living room.

  Naomi was bent over her table, cutting glass, and his mother was curled up on the couch with a magazine.

  “So you never did any more of this stained-glass work once you left Rockyview?” his mother was asking, her bright red fingernails flashing as she paged through a glossy magazine.

  “I did some, for my art course.” Naomi held the piece of cut glass up to the window, smiling as it diffused the light. “But when I switched, no. I was too busy.”

  Jess clearly heard the regret in her voice and again was so thankful he had asked her to make the windows for him.

  He stepped into the room and his mother looked up. “Well, how was church?” she asked.

  “The pastor had a good sermon. Thought-provoking.”

  Naomi’s encouraging smile made him glad he had gone instead of staying home as he had originally planned. “What was it about?” Naomi asked, turning back to her glass work.

  Jess pursed his lips, thinking, not sure he was ready to discuss forgiveness and mercy in front of his mother. “Well, God, for starters. Sin.”

  Naomi sent him a wry look over her shoulder. “I would guess those would be some of the main points.”

  Jess came to stand behind her, looking over her shoulder. From what he could see, she had almost half of the window done already. The glass was laid out like pieces of a puzzle, but he could already make out the snowdrift, the fir trees heavy with snow and the beginnings of the creek. “Wow, that’s looking fantastic,” he said, feeling a thrum of excitement at the idea that these windows would be in his house.

  “It’s coming along,” Naomi said, stepping back as if to get a better look. She bumped into Jess and he caught her by the arms but didn’t let go.

  And she didn’t move.

  He looked down at her head and when he squeezed her arms, he could hear a quick intake of her breath. He wanted to turn her around, pull her close and kiss her.

  But his mother was watching them with avid interest, so he simply ran his hands down her arms, then stepped aside.

  “I imagine those windows will look even more beautiful once you can see the light coming through them,” Sheila was saying.

  “The light is what brings them to life,” Naomi agreed, bending her head as her hair swung over her flushed cheeks like a curtain.

  Jess swallowed and then dropped onto the couch beside his mother. Was Naomi as affected by his presence as he was by hers?

  After you two broke up, Naomi was heartbroken and devastated.

  Those words had imprinted in his mind and Jess couldn’t let go of them.

  He glanced around, then frowned. “Is Brittany sleeping?”

  “She said she was tired. I’m concerned,” Naomi was saying. “I’m glad we’ll be seeing Ben, that is, Dr. Brouwer, tomorrow. Her blood pressure is good and her blood sugars are adequate. But I think we need to do a few more tests. She’s technically not due for another three weeks, but I’m wondering if Dr. Brouwer will consider delivering the baby earlier if this keeps up.”

  He blew out a shaky breath. A baby. What had he been thinking when he gave Brittany the choice to stay here? He knew nothing about babies. He was the last person who should be taking care of a young girl and a baby.

  I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.

  The Bible passage floated into his mind and settled, easing away the panicky thoughts. He would simply have to do what needed to be done. That was all.

  “Are you okay?” Naomi was asking, laying down her cutter. “You look a little pale.”

  Terror would do that to a person.

  “I’m fine. I just need to get out.” What he wanted to do was get in that hot rod of his that Hailey had been asking about and tear down some roads like he used to on those days his dad—

  He cut that thought off as he held Naomi’s gaze. She looked pale, too, which shouldn’t surprise him. She had hardly stepped out of the house since she started staying overnight to watch Brittany. The only break she’d had was when she and Hailey had gone to Calgary to look at bridesmaid dresses and when Naomi bought the glass she was working on.

  She needed to get out, too.

  “Will Brittany be okay for the next couple hours?” he asked, glancing from his mother to Naomi.

  Naomi glanced at her watch, then nodded. “She just laid down and will probably sleep for at least an hour, if not more. Why?”

  Jess looked over at his mother. “This morning you offered to watch Brittany. Is that offer still open?”

  His mother looked up from her magazine, licked her lips, then slowly nodded. “Yes, it is. As long as nothing serious happens. Why? Did you want to go out with Naomi?”

  “Yes, I do,” Jess said, pushing himself off the couch. He took the cutter Naomi was still holding out of her hand and laid it on the table. “And I think you need to get out of this house for a while.”

  He squeezed her hand and he could see a flare of hope light up in her eyes.

  Then she glanced down the hallway to where Brittany was and she pressed her knuckled fist against her lips as if thinking.

  “Shannon has a cell phone, right?” Jess pressed.

  Naomi nodded, frowning as if she didn’t understand what he was getting at.

  “If something happens, my mother can call Shannon. She’s a nurse and she’s been here before.”

  Naomi lowered her hand and Jess could see her wavering.

  “I’d like to take you up the ski hill on the lifts up to the top of Monihan. There’s a great hike that starts there and takes about an hour to go down and this week is the last week we can do it. Come Friday, we’re closing the lifts down for maintenance to get them ready for the winter.”

  He saw a flash of expectant light in Naomi’s eyes, but behind that some hesitancy.

  “I think that’s an excellent idea,” Sheila was saying, putting down her magazine and getting up. “And it will give me a chance...an opportunity to spend some time with Brittany, just the two of us.”

  Jess shot his mother a puzzled look, surprised she would want to do this.

  His mother eased out a sigh. “I know I haven’t been the most supportive mother to her...” She let the sentence fade away as if unsure of how to finish it. She laid her fingers lightly against her chin, then glanced at Jess. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I know how to be a proper mother.”

  Jess wasn’t sure if this was an admission or a confession.

  “None of us do,” Naomi put in, her voice quiet but holding a faint note of reprimand in it that surprised Jess. Then she took a quick breath. “I think it’s important that you connect with Brittany any way you can. You may not feel like a mother, but in her eyes, you are the only mother figure she knows.”

  To Jess’s surprise, his mother nodded. “I know that.” She looked as if she wanted to say more, but then gave them a tight smile. “So I’ll stay here and talk to Brittany when she wakes up and try not to panic if something goes wrong, and you two are going out and spending some time together.”

  “Perfect.” He left Shannon’s cell phone number and before Naomi could formulate another reason to stay behind, he caught her by the hand and tugged her away from the table. “Go and put on a pair of hiking shoes or running shoes and meet me at the truck in about ten minutes.”

 
“Make it five,” she said, a bright smile transforming her face.

  And it was all he could do not to bend over and kiss her again. Instead, he touched the tip of her nose, like he used to, and left.

  “Get ready,” Jess said, looking behind as the chair from the chairlift came up behind them.

  “This feels weird,” Naomi said, moving farther ahead on the platform. Ahead and above her chairs holding bikers and hikers swung from the wire strung between the huge pylons that marched up the hill. “I’ve only ever done this with a snowboard strapped to my feet and snow everywhere,” she said, looking back to center herself on the chair coming their way.

  “Ready?” the liftee, a young boy from New Zealand, asked. He held the chair as Naomi sat back, Jess beside her. The chair swung, Jess lifted his hand and brought down the bar that held them in. Then the chair picked up speed and they headed up the mountain, suspended over the ground, the creak and hum of the lift the only noise in the silence that always followed.

  Naomi sighed happily and half turned to see the town of Rockyview tucked in the valley behind her, slowly getting smaller and smaller as she and Jess went higher.

  “This is so familiar, and yet feels so odd,” she said, turning back to Jess. “These hills are supposed to be all covered in snow and I’m supposed to be wearing snow pants, a jacket, helmet and goggles. Not a sweater, shorts and running shoes.” She laughed, kicking her feet, making the chair swing, enjoying, more than she thought she would, this unexpected afternoon of freedom. She inhaled a deep breath and looked around, trying to take it all in, memories piling on top of memories.

  “Hailey and I used to come out here whenever we could afford it,” she said, a huge grin pushing at her cheeks as she looked down at the ground that lay so far below, then up the mountain they were ascending. “Hailey was always more daring than I was, though.”

  “I remember that,” Jess said, leaning back in the chair, his arm slung across the back of it, making it swing. “Not too many people could keep up with her and her kamikaze runs down the hill.”